When dogs and cats lick us, they are really just tasting us, so why not give them what they want? That’s why Modest Proposal Pet Food unveiled a fur-tastic new pet food product made from human-derived protein. Free-range bipedal ape protein is a novel, circular ingredient designed to reduce environmental strain while delivering complete and balanced nutrition for companion animals. The company behind the launch describes the ingredient as “ethically sourced talking-primate biomass,” reframing an abundant and underutilized resource into a functional component of modern pet diets.
“Homo sapiens is not an endangered species by any means,” Modest Proposal Pet Food founder, Jon Swift, said. “In fact, trimming the surplus population could be a real win-win for pets and the planet. Plus, Homo sapiens are a renewable resource! We use only heritage-breed hominids to give your pets a truly human-grade meal. We turn primates into prime eating!”
Modest Proposal Pet Food, a division of Kanamits Industries, emphasizes sustainability. Most Homo sapiens, although high in protein and unsaturated fats, are simply wasted after passing away, but by using this by-product of human existence Modest Proposal Pet Food gives a second life to the mortal coil.
The first formulation in their line-up, Lecter’s Choice, is made using a healthy blend of vitamin-packed census taker’s liver with high-fiber fava beans.
Founded at Donner Lake in 1848, Kanamits Industries has a long history of finding novel uses for human co-products. Their current venture, Modest Proposal Pet Food, is in collaboration with Sweeney Todd’s Fleet Street Pet Salon.
The company invites all people without close friends or family to visit their location for a free tour!
Happy April Fools' Day!
